Received 06/04/2012 – Good Friday
As I sit having a coffee in the sun after seeking a morning mass and failing, I find myself in deep thought with a broken heart. Today is the day you were severely and brutally scourged, tortured and crucified.
I am completely broken Lord. My thoughts drift to what I or how I, would have felt and reacted if I was present that horrible day you were slaughtered. My salvation would have indeed been lost because to contain myself and not lash out at your murderers would have been impossible. Meditating on your Blessed Mothers grief, despair and helplessness as she watched them destroy her beautiful son is so overwhelming, painful and truly unimaginable. Her heart was shattered to pieces with pain at the loss of You. How she endured and maintained her faith in God’s promise is so unfathomable. Lord how is it possible for me to have the faith of Your Mother? How am I ever going to be able to return to Heaven with the knowledge that I could have never forgiven the people who tortured and murdered You? Even You forgave them and begged God Your Father to do the same. Oh Lord the forgiving hearts that You and Your Mother have are not of this world. The wisdom and lesson of forgiveness resides in Your crucifixion. You have set the bar so high for humanity in forgiveness and love Lord.
Father, you know My heart and You know that if I would have lived during that time I would have surely died with the sin of unforgiveness on my soul. I could never have forgiven them. It would have been literally impossible for me. As it is now, every year during Your passion I feel so much anger toward the pharisees, the people, Pilot, the Romans and mainly toward Judas for what they as a whole did to You. Father does this mean that I am unworthy of the Kingdom? No matter how much I try to find forgiveness for those people by trying to imitate Your example, forgiveness for them simply does not enter.
Lord had they realized, understood, accepted and embraced You then, we would have all been living in Paradise on earth with You as You reigned as King of this world all these years. Because of what they as a whole did, we have lived in chaos and confusion with satan reigning over us and this world.
It is only through Your Divine grace that I will ever find forgiveness for Your murderers. Engulfed in tears on this sacred day while remembering and honoring You, I am pleading for Your help and guidance to teach me to forgive fully as You and Mary do. Comprehension of true forgiveness, real forgiveness is of the saints. Admitting to myself and to You that forgiveness of Your murderers is beyond my emotions and understanding is both hard and humbling.
You told Peter to drop his sword because those who live by the sword will surely die by the sword. The defense and protection Peter showed toward You is how I feel. Although he loved You more than his own life he still denied You in order to save his human life. He is the Apostle You built the Church on and he was also tormented in the human flesh while trying to imitate Your example of love and forgiveness. Is Peter our human example on how to endure and continually strive for perfection in You?
Lord, how am I, a sinner in these wicked days going to ever achieve sainthood so I too can enter the gates of Heaven? Jesus, my sweet, gentle Jesus, I worry for my salvation because I lack true forgiveness for all who still to this day torment, deny, persecute, ridicule and betray You. As hard as I try to pray when witnessing this, a rage ignites within the very core of me. Although suppressing My rage, I cannot hide it from You. You know my heart. You know everything Lord. What am I to do Jessuah? How is it humanly possible for me to forgive and still love those who follow satan and crucify You on a daily basis?
To walk with You in Heaven is all I think about. All I dream about, yet I understand that until I can find the way to forgive and love as You do, I will never be worthy to enter Heaven.
Oh Lord, my soul, who I really am, screams out to You this Holy day for help and guidance. This day of Your crucifixion brings all truth within me out and on display and I weep in sorrow for all You endured and sacrificed for all of us.
How can you love us as You do, knowing all You know about us? So flawed in mind and spirit are we. We are indeed at Your Mercy as we have no recourse within ourselves. It is only through Your grace and Your Mercy that any of us will obtain the Holy Kingdom. Help me Lord. Help us all to relinquish this world, to die to ourselves and unite fully with You.
Thank You Jessuah for listening and for loving us. Thank You Lord for Your sacrifice. Thank You Lord for loving us and continually loving us. Thank You for hearing me Lord, I know You always hear me.
“My sweet child, your words are from your soul and your Father knows how you all battle in the flesh to return to purity of heart.
It is through my sacrifice that you all have been saved. It is through living My Word and Commandments that you will all obtain and achieve your rightful inheritance. It is through My love for you and your love for Me that I will lift you up and bring you all home.
The gift of true forgiveness resides in devout prayer, meditation and imitation of My life on earth. The flesh has always and will always torment the soul until I return and change you all through My Mercy.
Through My Love comes My Mercy. Through My Mercy is true love and forgiveness manifested in the soul.
All who embrace Me and remorsefully repent from the soul will live with Me immortal for all eternity as this is My Divine Will.
Come to Me My children. Remember your Father. Awaken My flock and graze in the field of truth, love and life. You are My family and there is nothing more important or urgent to Me, than saving each and every one of you.
My mislead souls who have believed the deceiver, I address you now with so much love and forgiveness. On this day of remembrance is My forgiveness and Mercy for you the greatest. There is nothing that is unforgivable should you sincerely understand and feel sorrow for what you have done or failed to do in your human life. The deceiver knows this and works harder to convince you that I, God the Almighty will never forgive you. He is a LIAR. I AM your Father, your Creator, your Redemption, your Greatest Love. Believe Me children and deny his preposterous lies. I love each and every one of you and My Mercy is for each and every one of you. Accept My Mercy and live.
To My Blessed followers, I speak to you now. Your love for Me and the Heavenly Kingdom is great and soothes every wound and cut and My Sacred Heart. Your devotion, faith and your understanding is your saving grace. In this world your struggle is difficult yet you remain in Me, therefore I remain in you. The task set before each of you by Me, is to help My lost sheep by teaching them, praying for them, guiding them and loving them as I do. The grace of My Wisdom and the grace of My Mercy is upon you in order you act on My behalf and gather My sheep. Bring them to Me by feeding them with My Truth. Love them as I do. Endure their persecution as I do. Forgive them as I do. Help them to truly understand My Divine Mercy within My Sacred Heart. You are My Holy Army and your responsibility is grand. Do this in memory of Me. So many souls rely on your heeding Me, Your Father in Heaven. Be of good heart, mind and soul. Pray, Pray, Pray for My children. Tell them how much I love them. Tell them what awaits them should they not turn back to Me now, before it is too late.
Child, continue with My work and calm your spirit. When meditating on My crucifixion, meditate on the great love and forgiveness I have for all My souls. Be at peace child and place all you hope and trust in Me and only Me.
My love knows no boundaries. My Mercy is endless.”
Your Savior and Only Redeemer