In March 2009, I was on my way home from work riding my bike toward the Dam Square. The streets were filled with tourists walking to and fro admiring the city canals and houses. The sounds of bicycle bells rang out in hopes to alert the tourists that they were walking in the bike path, which is a dangerous place to walk in Amsterdam.
As I crossed over a little bridge which now presented the Palace in clear view, I slowed down as this man with a camel colored leather jacket and light brown hair began crossing the street without looking, placing him in the way of me and oncoming bike traffic.
At that precise moment of noticing this man crossing the street a completely different event began happening behind and all around him and me. It was as a movie being reeled behind everything real and normal in front of me. Still peddling my bike but not aware of anything other than this man crossing the street and the scene now playing behind him, an overwhelming feeling of complete uncertainty came over me. I said out loud, “What the”, and I could not finish my sentence.
At the moment every brick from the street and foot paths began flying upward off of the ground toward the sky. As if being plucked out of the ground all at the same time. As I peddled the bricks all around the Monument across from the Palace began flying up all around me. I glanced at the tourist shop on the left, across the street and then at Madame Tussaud’s and every brick was flying upward as if no gravity was strong enough to hold them in the ground. Madame Tussaud’s began crumbling from the bottom up and nothing fell to the ground. It all flew upwards.
At the sight of that, a deep resounding voice, heard not with my ears but an echoed,vibrating, authoritative male voice between my chest and abdomen inside of me spoke. He said,
“This city will crumble, it WILL fall. There will be no brick, no stone unturned. As the earth resets itself, this city will take on its original form as God Himself created it.”
“Prepare, Prepare, Prepare”
As I heard this inside me, not with my ears, I looked at the Palace. Behind it and now all around me from every direction was fast-moving walls of water as high as the sky. There seemed to be no limit to its height. I could now feel a cold breeze all around me and could smell the sea air. The voice continued:
“For My time is at hand.”
“Prepare, Prepare, Prepare”
The walls of water created a fear in me that I have never known. I was helpless and there was no escape. For some reason I thought of all the innocent children that would be consumed by this water and I said out loud, crying and pleading, “What about the children?” The voice continued:
“I will raise up My lambs and they will be seated next to Me.”
“Gather My sheep and feed them”
“Prepare, Prepare, Prepare”
When the vision; the scene stopped I found myself sitting on my bike on a bridge in the Jordan area of Amsterdam.
Everything was calm and normal as it always is in the Jordan. Everything but me.
I gasped for a breath holding my handle bars then stood looking all around me with absolutely no idea how I got to where I was now standing. The last thing real and normal before the vision appeared behind the scene of everyday life was the man in the camel colored leather jacket and the Dam Square. Now I was physically somewhere else without recollection how I got to that particular bridge on that particular canal in the Jordan.
I stood there for a while trying to compose myself and internally rehash what I had just seen and heard. As I did my emotions ignited and only tears flowed from my eyes. My body was shaking with the reeling of this scene and what I heard in my chest, not with my ears. Panicked I rode fast and hard finally arriving at home. Hurriedly I opened my door, threw my things down, looked around and had literally no idea what to do. What I was doing? I drank water and prayed. My body released only through this uncontrollable river of tears. There was no stopping them.
I took off again on my bike and went straight to “Onze Lieve Vrouwe Catholic Church” where I attend. There was no one there. The church gates were locked. Hysterically I began shaking the bars and verbally pleading with God. Why do they lock the doors to Your house? Where is a priest Lord? I have to tell someone! They have to do something! They have to get the people out! Oh God, who do I tell? What am I supposed to do?
I collapsed to a squatting position still holding on to the bars crying hysterically. Everything in me had shifted. As I rode home I prayed and talked to God as the tears ran as if there was no end to them. Once home I immediately poured a large glass of red wine and then another as if it was water.
I sat on my sofa holding the edges of it, trying desperately to calm down and breath. What I saw was real. I smelt the sea air, it was still in my nostrils and my skin was chilled. I was there, I saw the walls of water as high as the sky. I heard the roar of them. I heard what I heard without a drop of doubt within me. I was there then I was on a bridge in the Jordan. I screamed out loud, “Oh Lord, why have You shown me this?” I then collapsed onto my sofa cushion in tears, trauma and an overwhelming sense of urgency within me.
I woke the next morning on my sofa fully dressed from the day before. Immediately, I ran to the window to look outside, fully expecting water to be all around my house. There was none. I sat down rubbing my head and face. The sense of urgency still prevailed, along with anxiety and uncertainty of what to do. What I saw and heard at 1pm the day before shook me and literally changed everything within me. Now it was 6:30am the next morning. My body slept for an entire day and night recovering from the shock and trauma of the vision I had been made privy to. I was thirsty and ravenous so I prepared a full breakfast. After nourishing myself I took a shower. I now felt somewhat renewed and headed off to work.
I stopped at the Dam Square and even got off my bike to feel the corner wall bricks of Madame Tussaud’s. I bent down and felt the bricks on the ground. Looking all around at the beautiful Palace, Monument and Dam Square I felt relief that everything was still in tact and undamaged. I fell in love with this city and claimed it as my own from the moment I arrived back in 1991. The city God placed me in and gave me inner peace on this earth. For me it is a sacred and most precious place. The place in the world where I can truly say, I grew up and really began maturity into adulthood. The sacred ground where I was allowed and expected to spread my wings and come into my own. The place that pealed the layers of dysfunction from me and showed me it was not only okay but expected for me to express myself in any way I chose without interference, questions or control from mankind. The place where I am truly set free. There has been not one day pass, that I have not thanked God with all my heart and all that I am for bringing me here and providing all that He has provided for me. With a sick heart I looked around with full conviction that my beautiful city would not be forever.
My colleague was the first person I told of my experience. She listened respectfully because she knows I’ve never lied to her and we are friends as well. I told her I had to have Sunday’s off because I need to go to church every Sunday. As Sunday is the busiest day at work she thought that to be impossible but was open to try to find a way. She’s a good person and she could see my heart in my eyes and could feel how important it was to me. She gave me that Sunday off and got her husband to fill for me. On Sunday I went to church early and went straight to the confessional. I made my confession through a massive flow of tears and guilt. I then told the priest of my experience. As I described it in full detail, the emotions of it all were in full display in my speech and tears as if I was reliving it all over again with him present. When I concluded exhausted and out of breath, he became panicky and said, “Well what do you want me to do about it?” Looking through the screen I was shocked by his response and I reacted quickly with, “I don’t know, this is your field of expertise. I’m coming to you for help. How do I gather His sheep and feed them? And Save souls? Father, tell me what to do please! He means it! This city Will crumble and it Will fall!” The priest partially stood up then caught himself and sat back down hurriedly. Taking a moment he breathed in and told me to pray. That all I could do was pray.
I was frustrated and slightly angry as I said”, “Ok Father. I’ll do that but you too must pray. I know I did the right thing by telling a priest. So what you do with this is between you and God now. I did my part.” I left the confessional, attended mass, received Holy Communion and blessed myself with Holy Water before leaving the church. I left thinking I did my part. The whole time talking silently with God telling Him, “God not even the priest will listen. How in the world am I going to do this?”
Over the years, I’ve told many people of my experience. Both friends and strangers. No one said it wasn’t true but no one said they believed me 100% with everything in them either. No one.
Many times I forcefully blocked the vision and its message from me, from my thoughts. Trying desperately to convince myself that it was a day-dream or a dream. I drowned myself in red wine over the year to force it to all go away. The moment I thought I convinced myself it was just one of those unexplained things, the entire experience would reel as if it just happened. I told no one for a long while. The vision persisted in my thoughts dreams and even in conversations with others.
In December 2009, one morning while dressing for work the visual of the vision began and I fell to my bed and screamed out loud, “What do you want from me? I told a priest, I’ve told everybody, no one believes me! What do you want?” I cried with defeat. I knew I could no longer fight Him or resist Him. I gave in to Him and waved the white flag. Days and weeks past no longer exposing me to the vision, giving me a temporary sense of peace. Naively, I convinced myself that God had heard my cry and decided to torment me no longer. I began pretending life was back to normal. But the sense and feeling that I need to prepare resonated within me as it still does now.
One evening sitting behind my computer screen, I was writing the end of a sentence and typed, “I am God’s.” After hitting enter, I turned to go and check on Evie, my cocker spaniel that was ill with cancer. When I stood and turned to my left, I place my hand on the back of a chair. At that precise moment it was as if the air in front of me unzipped or divided. I was still in my living room but there was nothing in it. There was no color. Only a bland, dulled, whitish color was all around me. My furniture was gone. There was no ceiling or any end to the size of the space I stood in, in my living room.
I began pinching my left thigh with the whole of my grip in order to feel pain so that I would know that this was real. I never stopped pinching myself as I looked around this bland, open space in every direction. I said out loud, “Ok, I’m in my living room but this isn’t my living room.” I slightly chuckled while squeezing my leg to the point of pain. “Ok, I’m not dead, I feel this.” I was afraid to take a step because I couldn’t see my feet. They felt like they were on the ground but there didn’t seem to be a ground around me, so I stayed standing in the that one position. It remained quiet until I said out loud, “Ok God, am I dead?” At this point I was panicking and squeezed my leg even more. I thought to myself, did I have a heart attack? Did I die?
Without any introduction or warning, what looked like gymnasium type bleachers filled with people appeared in a near yet distant place to my right. At first I could not make out faces and never could I hear anything. It was complete silence like I have never known. I could see there were people talking, smiling and laughing amongst themselves all in the rows of different levels but there was no sound. I could now see their faces and recognized my Aunt Linda. The wife of my dad’s brother Sambo, who was standing next to her with a whitish colored straw cowboy hat on. I knew Uncle Sambo had died but was not aware that Aunt Linda had. She was laughing and talking and standing on his right side. Then I noticed my great Uncle Paul standing in the front row next to Aunt Yvonne his wife. I began recognizing everyone I’ve ever loved and lost. All were smiling and a few waved. My Grandmothers, Uncle Willie, Aunt Mem, Great Aunts and Uncles, my Grandfather from my Dad’s side and people I’d never met.
Then I saw my older brother Kent standing on the front row close to an old man. This man was small in build and seemed less active than all the rest. He barely looked up other than an occasional glance at me. I smiled when I saw Kent and said his name out loud. He smiled back and I could see how happy he was. His happiness stood out because I had never seen Kent smile like that. His life was hard from the moment he was born until the day he died. He was glowing with joy which broke me down to tears. I said out loud, “Kent you’re so happy.” He looked at me smiling and said, “Ah sis, this is great, there’s nothing to worry about here.” I could only stare and cry. Finally my words formed through the tears and I said, “I’m so sorry we could not be friends while you were alive.” I was crying and he was smiling while saying, “None of that matters.” I noticed that Kent was the only one moving around off of the bleachers or rows. Everyone stayed in their designated positions and never moved up or down a row. They stayed in the same order all the time. Kent moved around at will but always returned to the front row next to the old man who seldom looked up.
Aunt Linda, Uncle Sambo, both of my Dad’s parents and Uncle Willie were all on the third row with people I did not recognize.
As I looked at the sight before me, from the midst of them all in rows on different levels, my Mother rose up above them floating above their heads. She was wearing a long white robe and I could not see her feet. As she rose all I could see was her profile and then she turned in the air and faced me as she floated toward me. Everyone else had on regular clothing but the coloring of the scene was not full bright color. It was a dimmed hazy like coloring. But Momma’s gown shown pure white and she was beautiful. She was gorgeous and I could only stare with so much happiness, joy and love bursting inside me. She never smiled but she never frowned either. She floated in the air in front of me. The bottom of her gown was at the height of me so I was looking up at her. She was different from the rest of them. They had a high degree of respect for her as they all immediately stopped talking and laughing when she rose up from amongst them. They all watched her intensely.
I broke the silence with, “Momma, oh Momma, you’re beautiful.” I was so in awe of her beauty and power. Her hair was approximately shoulder length. It was shiny and wavy to perfection. Momma, am I dead?” She began to speak to me and I could hear her but not with my ears. I heard her in my chest in her voice, the same way I heard the voice in the vision.
She spoke assertive and authoritatively as I had never heard her speak. She said, “Kelly, you Must forgive your father.” Each word spoken precise and clearly with an enforced emphasis on the word must. I have always prayed to see Momma again. Just one more time is all I’ve ever wanted. I never envisioned or imagined that these would be the words I would hear from her. I thought she would have said, “I miss you, love you, how are you”, you know all the things we long to hear from our deceased loved ones. But she repeated, “Kelly, you Must forgive your father.” I noticed everyone in rows shaking their heads up and down agreeing with her. I looked back at her and could only cry. I never expected to hear those words. How could she expect me to forgive him? How could she forgive him? I looked over at Kent, who had been so abused and crushed by him. I knew Kent would understand my distress. But he said, “Go on sis, let it go man. All that doesn’t matter. I forgive him.”
When Kent said that with a huge smile on his face I broke. My heart was literally in pieces. There was no escape. I looked back at Momma and she shook her head up and down telling me, “It’s time, you Must forgive your father. If I and your brother can forgive him, you too can forgive him.” I was hysterical. Crying like a lost child, scared, defenseless and cornered. I screamed out loud, desperate for any of them to have pity on me and understand, that this is the one thing I could Never do. There was not one, not even Kent, that allowed me one second relief from what was being asked of me.
I cried out loud and said, “Oh Momma, how do I do that? There is nothing inside me but hurt, pain and anger for him! I don’t feel forgiveness for him at all! That would be a lie! I hate him! I hate what he did to my life, to my family to you! Momma he deserves to burn in hell! You know he does!”
She only looked down at me with the same expressionless look on her face and repeated, “Kelly, you Must forgive your father.” Then she added, there is no time!” Everyone in rows were now shaking their heads up and down faster and their eyes told me that I must forgive him, she’s right there’s no time.
I could only cry hysterically because what was being asked of me was impossible and I knew that with everything in me. I was not capable of that. Images of the violence and abuse he inflicted, even things that had actually escaped my memory were now right in front of me again and I was completely broken. So many things I didn’t want to remember, I never wanted to see again, even things I didn’t remember were being played. Horrible, bloody, violent, cruel, even everyone’s screams could be heard. The sharp sting of his black skinny belt hit the back of my thighs and I felt every nerve in my body contract in pain. Every emotion of trauma, fear, distress and shock was being relived as if I was that little girl again. My physical strength weakened and I felt faint. I could bear no more and I dropped to my knees in a pile of pitiful hurt, pain and despair. With head down and eyes closed I cried. I screamed in agony as the visuals of his abuse played out in my head and the exact emotions I felt then ran through me like jagged glass. Ripping my insides up leaving me weak and defeated.
All remained quiet while I was experiencing this painful process which they all, especially Momma saw necessary. When I thought for a split second that I had gotten it out of my system is when I felt a presence to my left in front of me and Momma turned and floated away and diminished in the air. The rows of people diminished and I was alone with the presence. I stood up and felt a circular sensation between my chest and abdomen. A sensation as if being in love. The same place I could hear the voice during the vision and the same place I could hear Momma, Kent and all my deceased relatives and even people I didn’t know, who obviously knew me.
This sensation grew strong quickly and I somehow felt connected to whatever was in front of me. As I turned to face it, I could see nothing with my eyes and could hear nothing with my ears. Yet I knew that it was not a human figure. It was a square pillar that seemed to have no top and no bottom. I looked up and down and saw with the circular sensation between my chest and abdomen that indeed there was no beginning and there was no end. All I could feel was an intense love and pull. I felt completely connected as information began coming to me through the circular sensation. It was knowledge, understanding in a way that I simply cannot put into words. Knowledge about things I don’t realize I know yet, if that makes any sense. It’s as if being stored in me for later use. I don’t even know what it is. It’s the only way I can describe it. I felt peace and restful and shyly asked, “Are you God,? Am I dead?” The only thing that transferred to me was a commandment, “You must forgive your father.”
My body began trembling out of control because I had not forgiven him. I still hated him and I could no longer hide it from myself and I knew that God has always known and I knew I have never hidden anything from him. He knows everything. Everything. With that one word, “everything”, I collapsed and sobbed. I screamed and cried in agony. I fought the cleansing that was now upon me. I kicked my feet hard on the ground in a temper tantrum and struck my fists as hard, screaming, “No! He deserves to burn! He took my family from me. He beat my Momma and my brothers. He took everything from me! If it wasn’t for him I would have a family! I hate him Lord! I hate him!
Hysterically I got up to run but there was nowhere to run. There was no door, no window. In between tears and gasping for a breath I screamed out loud, “Where is my living room?” I pinched my leg harder, more aggressively till I felt pain. I began talking out loud to myself saying, “Ok, I’ve snapped, somethings wrong with me. I need help now. It must be genetic. I have to face it. There’s something seriously wrong with me. This is a hallucination. This must be a flash back from a past drug gone wrong. Ok, relax, sit down, close your eyes and it will all go away. Breath, relax.”
I calmed myself down while sitting in a yoga position. With eyes closed I got my breathing under control. I sat a long while until I felt calm and had convinced myself that is was all a hallucination and that I would call my doctor and make an appointment and get this taken care of straight away. I felt in control again.
Opening my eyes threw me into a whirlwind of emotion. I was still in this open space. The rows of people were now present and Momma was hovering to the left of them. They were all looking at me when I realized there was a man on his knees to the left of me. His left knee was on the ground, his right knee propped up by his leg, where he lay his arms and hands crossed. He never picked his head up and kept his eyes closed. The invisible square pillar of energy that I knew to be God, transferred to me the knowledge that “he was not allowed to look up at me. That he was not worthy.” I looked at the man closely and realized it was daddy. Knowing I realized it was daddy, Momma spoke again saying, “Kelly, you Must forgive your father.” Everyone in rows again shaking their heads up and down yes in agreement.
I could not breathe as the rage inside me that he alone was responsible for surfaced without delay and was uncontrollable. I was out of control. I had always thought of what I would say to him now, if he was alive and in my presence. But I never thought in a million years to ever have to really see him again. The day he was buried I went to his grave once everyone had gone and I spit on it and said, “Good riddance you son of a bitch, I saw you burning and you got what you deserve. Rot in hell!” I walked away for good and that was in July 1977.
So you can understand:
It was midnight on July 3, 1977. I was 17 years old. While sleeping at a friend’s house, I was woken by her mother because I was screaming in terror. Once woken I sat up and told her that I saw my daddy burning in hell from the bottom up and he was biting down and screaming. The next day my mother called to tell me that my dad had been shot and killed at 12 midnight that night. I knew what I saw was real and knew from then on that hell absolutely exists regardless of what people have tried to convince me of otherwise. I know now that God allowed that vision as He knew the world would try to snatch my faith from me over the years and it has tried and is still trying.
With rage vomiting from me, I looked down at him and began screaming at the top of my lungs. I wanted to kill him but he was already dead. “You destroyed my Momma. You destroyed my family! You took my family away from me! This is all your fault! Look at the mess you left! Everyone is out of their minds! You hit my beautiful Momma.”
I dropped to my knees next to him, exhausted, hurt, angry and worn out with grief. Completely uncontrollable tears poured from my eyes. In a lower tone I begged, “How could you beat and break my brothers like you did? How could you do all what you did to them? Why did you force me to watch? What is wrong with you?!?” I could only mourn the loss of my family at that point. Then my anger rose up because he still would not look up at me. I began screaming so loud my own ears were ringing and itching from the vibration of the sound coming from deep within me. In a rage screaming, “You beat them! You bought me things! You divided me from my family when I was only a little girl! They hated me and still hate me because of you! I’m alone because of you!”
I screamed in agony with fisted hands. I could see Aunt Bula, Aunt Florence and Maw Maw Stegall shaking their heads as if feeling my pain. Paw Paw Stegall was comforting Maw Maw, while Aunt Linda comforted Uncle Sambo. Maw Maw Fontenot nodded at me to continue and I knew she was saying let it out. Momma hovered with hands together in a praying position against her mouth as if suppressing her emotion. Again I was in a heap on the floor crying uncontrollably and completely worn out and bewildered. He never once looked up. He remained in that kneeling position which angered me further. Again there was silence.
I began calming down and looked toward the invisible square pillar that I was connected to and said, “I know I have to do this but I don’t know how. You know I don’t know how. If I said now, I forgive him, you know I would be lying. I cannot hide anything from you. To do what you and everyone else here wants me to do, I cannot do alone. I can only forgive him fully, really forgive him with your help. You have to do this Lord. I am not capable and you I’m not. I don’t even want to forgive him and you know that too!”
Kent then said, “Kelly, it doesn’t matter anymore when you get here just let it go, I did.” At that moment Kent then appeared as that sweet little boy in a blue baseball shirt with white lettering, that was beaten brutally without remorse daily. He had all the bruises, cuts, scares and whelps from over his lifetime. His lips were busted in many places and was dripping a lot of blood and he had two swollen, black eyes. He was broken but now he had a beautiful forgiving smile through it all that lit up the rows of people around him. The scene broke me down even further dragging me to the bottom of my own intestines, digging into my heart and into my soul. It wrenched all anger, torment, despair, insecurity, fear, anxiety and worry completely from me. I felt Kent’s peace all over and inside me. I knew that if he of all people could forgive and still love him so much that there must be forgiveness in me too. Momma was shaking her head yes slowly, still staring at me as was everyone else.
Turning back toward the square pillar I knelt down and looked at my dad then said, “God, I am willing to forgive him. I really want to forgive him now. Can you make this really happen? Can I really forgive him?” At that moment the sensation between my chest and abdomen ignited and an energy flowed through me and all around inside me. I was breathless and in complete peace and ecstasy as it was in complete control. I felt nothing but pure serenity and nothingness. I was so light and filled to the brim with love I have never known and I will never forget. Till this day that is all I truly long for. With every fiber, cell and even my hair I said out loud, “Daddy, I forgive you. I really forgive you.” My body released with fatigue and tears. But tears of joy this time. I felt relief and freedom. There was no more tension within any part of me. It is a sense of freedom that cannot be fully described only felt. With those words Momma faded away without a goodbye and the same expressionless face. My deceased relatives in ascending rows remained.
I was now standing and the invisible square pillar transferred to me“that by forgiving my father I have released him. I was the last to forgive him on this earth and he has suffered much. Everytime you suffer in life of what stems from him he suffers the fire. By forgiving him he will now be able to ascend to the next level. By forgiving him you have granted your mother’s prayer that has resounded in the heavens for him to join her, for her love for her husband is great. By forgiving him you have saved yourself.” I cried as if emptying the final tears from the well. I was and still am in awe of how the spiritual world works. We know nothing.
Then Kent came forth walking slowly, steadily, bracing the old man who rarely looked up. The old man looked up at me and smiled. I did not recognize him. With his arm locked in the old mans arm, Kent said with a huge smile, “Kelly, this is Paw Paw Fontenot.” I smiled and wanted to hug him but knew not to some how. What a blessing to meet my grandfather. Kent was so proud of him and so happy. I was so happy and filled with so much joy to see my brother so happy and at peace. He was with family and he was loved beyond any love he ever imagined. It is the greatest gift to see my brother like that, knowing he forgives me and everyone too. He is free. I told him I loved him and he told me he loved me too.
He was the only one out of all of them that was allowed to speak plainly with me. Although I never heard him with my ears only with the circular sensation between my chest and abdomen, I still could hear his voice, him. He told me goodbye and to forgive everybody but to keep my eye open, satan’s clever. Paw Paw Fontenot slightly waved and smiled and I said goodbye to him as Kent carefully turned him and they walked away. He and all my waving relatives faded away and I was now standing in the corner of my living room near my front window, facing the wall.
My living room was back, along with all my belongings and furniture. I gasped for breath and could feel an aching pain in my left leg. Looking at it I could see it was severely bruised and swelling. My left hand was aching from all the squeezing of my leg. I felt my face was wet full of tears as was my shirt and the floor in various parts of my living room. I must have cried a bucket of tears to do this was my thought. My eyes felt swollen. Finally I was able to move from the corner spot I was standing and I ran to the computer and looked a the time. It was two hours and fourteen minutes later from the time when I stood up to go and check on Evie. I immediately searched the internet and found the obituary of my Aunt Linda. I stood frozen for a moment then ran to check on Evie who was happy, laying in her bed, wagging her tail.
Walking her in the cold fresh air, I realized that I really had forgiven my father. I felt it with everything in me. I could only smile and have been doing so since. I learned from that experience that we must forgive in order to be forgiven. There is no way around it. As long as we do not forgive the person who committed that unforgivable act to you, if now dead, they suffer every time we suffer for anything that stems from their sin against us. They suffer the purging fire. We therefore cause them to suffer increasing our own sin of unforgiveness. It is a cycle as all must be cleansed and purged of sin before entering heaven. There is an ascension of levels in the after life. It is according to how you lived your life and used your gift of free will, which is actually a power, while on this earth. The purging process is purgatory, which is the purging of sin process. It is as melting gold down to its purest form, completely free of impurities therefore rendering one more worthy and they ascend yet another level. Prayer from us here and forgiveness and understanding releases them from bondage and suffering allowing them to ascend further at the same time releasing us from the sin of unforgiveness. It all works together. We are to begin the purging process while in this flesh as not to endure the process later which is a long, painful and enduring process.
If the person that has sinned against you is still amongst you and has not offered remorse we are to fully forgive without resentment or grudges. We have to be kind and love them anyway. This does not mean we are to accept this person and their behaviour back into our lives. It does mean that we are to know enough, understand, let go and pray for that person to make a full confession in order to free themselves from the guilt and weight of the sin they committed which is on their own souls. We are to hope and pray that everyone ascends to the Father because that is what He wants and it is right to please the Father. We are true spirit and weightless. Sin to us is as sandbags are to an air balloon. We must rid ourselves of the sandbags of sin in order to ascend. This is what He’s given me to give you.
After the experience of forgiveness in my living room months past and February 22, 2010, my dog Evie died in my arms. I was broken and lonely without her but also felt released. I decided not to get another dog and dove into my painting. I set a goal and had my first art exhibition on September 18, 201o. I was also in the midst of completing a children’s book before the experience in my living room happened so after the exhibition I resumed. Also, before the experience at Dam Square I was moved with an intense inner drive to begin research into many facets of human understanding, knowledge, belief systems, traditions, cultures, religions, science, astronomy, astrology, ancient seers as St. Malachi and Nostradamus. I did full analytical analysis while cross referencing them to and against the Bible, the Torah and the Quran, including basic principles of Hinduism, Buddhism, Mayanists, Egyptology, Native American and Aboriginal beliefs and including Rastafarianism. I was driven to understand what it was and what it is, that they all seem not to understand.
Why there is dispute, hate, envy, false pride and lust in the academic field? Why would no one admit to possibly being incorrect in their theories which were based on falable theories of others to begin with? What is the missing link between all of the arenas of discovery of knowledge which brings the understanding? Why this inner drive to research this, I was never really sure. I just trusted what I felt and allowed myself to be driven and am still being driven. With all compiled, connected, dissected and theorized over and over again, my research is leading me to discover that what I and they seek can only be found and received from God Himself. They are answers that only He can give and I trust that He will. Every facet of human belief leads to Him. Everything leads to Him. Because everything comes from Him.
These academics and scholars driven by unpure spirits, outright and pompously refuse to admit this. They refuse because with their false pride and envy, that admission would belittle them and de-elevate their status of intellectual authority and power amongst their peers. Our own governments hide the full truth about literally everything. They censor all media and we are being deceived in so many aspects. This leaves mankind to believe whatever it is they say to be correct. Therefore following man and not God.
Months passed and I still felt this worry to gather His sheep and feed them and save souls but I never acted on it. Not knowing what to do. Everywhere I look there is news of land and mud slides, flooding, earthquakes, disease, death, poverty, war, war and more war. Hurricanes, cyclones, tornadoes and more loss of life. Animal and plant populations are depleting and the environmental devastation caused by man is now evident and unrepairable. The lust for control, power, land, natural resources, money, riches, materialism, the waters, the skies, cars, clothing, jewels, countries, lives and the souls of men, is almost unbearable. The envy between people and nations alike is out of control. Everyone wanting something for little or nothing, exhibiting their slothfullness to work and not earn off of their own sweat. Rather they earn off the backs of decent men, women and children.
Anger and jealousy join in loudly as we witness it daily blaring from our televisions, computers and radios. Everyone boasting with self-induced false pride, trying to elevate their humanly status amongst men. Speaking with such conviction and authority, rationalizing the truth, bending laws, swearing oaths of truth while lying through their teeth.
I see satan running rampant, pillaging and raping spiritually, immature souls at random and using the innocents to do his bidding. Causing anarchy throughout the world, force feeding war and hate into the hearts, minds and lives of everyone. I see so much now and am finding it harder to say nothing.
On March 27, 2011 almost two years to the date that I experienced the vision at Dam Square of the walls of water with the resounding and ever persistent message of“Gather My sheep and feed them, save souls”; I was on my balcony writing on a new story that came to me called, “7,000 Acres.” Engrossed in my writing while sipping on a hot coffee I felt a slight soft sensation on the right side of my head that moved forward across my forehead. I turned my pad over and began writing. I was as if being dictated to but I felt it to be my own thoughts at first. Then my thoughts were no longer my own. It is as if I willingly stood back and allowed this foreign train of thought to take over. I wrote what is said even though at times I did not fully understand, I still wrote what I was dictated. I could write nothing else. The words rang pure and true within the whole of me. I cried and wrote with blurred vision anyway. It was subtle yet prevalent with me. The last words were, “Love one another.” Then the subtle sensation dulled.
I dropped the pad and pen, grabbed my cup of now cold coffee and went inside. Completely overwhelmed with what I just experienced I threw cold water on my face and calmed myself. I was at peace but surprised at myself for writing that. Not yet realizing that the words were not mine. After topping up my coffee I returned to the balcony and lit a cigarette, put on my glasses and picked up my pad to read what I wrote. Four, five, six pages on they kept going as I flipped back to the beginning. My handwriting was erratic and messy. Scratches out here and there, circles around some worlds with arrow marked leading to a different sentence. I was absolutely amazed with what I was looking at flipping through the many pages. At some point it didn’t even look like my handwriting. What time is it? Was my next thought. I grabbed my phone and an hour and a half had passed like two minutes. My heart began beating fast as I realized how long I had been sitting there writing unaware of the passing time. I said out loud, “Oh my God.” I decided to read it. I knew they were not my words or my understanding. As I read every hair on my body stood up and tears flowed like a fountain. After concluding I sat quiet in the sun, meditating on the words scribbled on my notebook pages. My heart was filled with His love and I laughed out loud and said, “It is you.” The love I felt led me to believe it was the invisible square pillar again. I felt safe and protected. Guarded even.
Then I heard His voice inside the whole of me say, “Cleanse yourself and prepare for work.” Like a good little girl obeying her father, I got up, cleared the balcony, showered and got dressed for work. Looking in the mirror I smiled and laughed at myself and said, “What in the world is happening now? God don’t freak me out. Help me not to be afraid to hear you. I ask this through your son Jesus Christ.”
Days passed and I never thought about it and continued working on my book, “7,000 Acres”. Then again one morning while sitting on my balcony with my coffee, pad and pen the sensation on my head and forehead returned exactly the same way as it had before. I grabbed my pen and pad and this time I could near Him between my temples in my thoughts. Not with my ears and not in the circle between my chest and abdomen. In my direct thoughts between my temples. He is as thought in my thoughts residing between my temples steadfast in His position. He speaks through my thoughts onto my note pad and He has been doing so since.
Now, there is more dialogue and I’ve come to think of Him as the Holy Spirit. He is here to help me. To guide me to gather His sheep and feed them. They are to be fed with the words He gives me. I can only write what and how He says and wants His words positioned. He insists I write our dialogue because this is how He chooses to communicate. Only in my writing. He has stripped me of my false pride and is purging me. I feel it and know it.
Many people have asked and inquired about His Messages that I have been posting all over the world over the Internet which I have asked you to do the same by sharing them. For this very reason is why I am writing this all down from the beginning so everyone will know and understand how and why this is happening and how I am being used by Him to reach all of you.
My concern and mission is not to convert anyone. He says that His are scattered amongst many flocks. That His are in many religions. My job, what I am commanded to do, what I must do is gather His sheep and feed them His Word. By doing this many souls will be saved and I will have done what the Father has commanded me to do. I can do nothing other. In a perfect world everyone will believe me but God has prepared me to never expect that. He continuously reminds me that I am the servant and He is the Master. That the servant is never greater than the Master. Meaning that if He the Master, no one believed; they will certainly not believe me the servant.
My job is not to concern myself about that. I am not to worry about what other people say about me or how they mistreat or de-friend me because I am using my gift of Free Will to do good, by accepting the task God has asked of me. My job is to give you His Messages and to teach you who you really are. To teach you to learn how to tame your gift of Free Will to be used for good and good only in order to destroy evil. To teach you how strong the Power of Faith is. It is a literal power and when you know and understand how to use it, you will move mountains, you will cure the sick, you will cast out demons, you will give the blind their sight for this is His will. satan fights to keep you suppressed for he does not want you to know, to understand what power you house within you. For when you do know and understand how to use it for good and only good, that will be the demise of him and all unpure spirits. Mankind will no longer be plagued with his diseases, his crime, his lust, his greed, his envy, his slothfullness or his disgusting pride. We will be free of war, greed, hurt, pain and suffering. Look around you, my task is large.
We are in the space in time that is called, “the beginning of sorrows.” I am praying for everyone and please continue to pray for me. My prayer is that all learn to forgive one another. As we are all in this human flesh and we are all exposed to sin. We will all let someone down in our lives and hope for forgiveness. To truly understand that without forgiveness we cannot be forgiven. I pray that all will learn to open their hearts, not their minds so they can begin to understand who they really are and who it is that is calling them.
Peace and Love,